I want to start this off by saying three things.
- I am a feminist. I believe men and women are equal and I don’t have ‘internalised misogyny’ because I’m saying these things.
- I think many of these same things about men, but I’m focusing on women here because I am a woman.
- I’m guilty of some of these things. I don’t try and act as though I’ve never made mistakes. Accepting your mistakes and changing is the best thing you can do for yourself
- Confusing confidence with attitude
I’m all for women breaking out of their submissive roles and taking charge of their lives, but there’s a big problem with this. Many women think that stomping all over people is the same thing as being a #girlboss.
Someone who is truly confident won’t break someone else down to build themselves up. Going around saying #menaretrash doesn’t help women, it makes men resent you. Being disrespectful to someone just because you don’t agree with them is childish.
Treating your boyfriend like a servant isn’t empowering. Shouting at him or belittling him isn’t being a strong woman. There’s nothing wrong with being kind and submissive towards the man you love. Without it, your relationship probably won’t last all that long.
- Confusing sexual liberation with degeneracy
Maybe this is just me, but the number of people you’ve slept with isn’t really anything to be proud of. I could even argue that it’s something for men to proud of and not women. Before you start getting angry, let me explain.
I’m an average nineteen-year-old girl. If I downloaded Tinder right now I could get a hook-up within an hour and theoretically I could easily be sleeping with a new guy every day. This isn’t exaggeration, it’s reality. If you’re a female that isn’t obese or dog-ugly, you have access to a buffet of free sex.
For men it’s a different story. For the average guy to be able to sleep with a new girl every day he’ll have to put in a lot of work. While I still think casual sex is detrimental to both genders, I can see why a notch count could be a badge of honour for a guy.
When a woman brags about the two guys she banged last weekend, I’m not impressed, because any woman can do that. Furthermore, casual sex is poison if you ever want a committed relationship. The number of sexual partners before marriage directly correlates to the divorce rate.
Most of the women I know who have casual sex don’t feel good about it afterwards. And how could they, when the guys just used them? Obviously most women aren’t going to be having sex with one guy their entire lives, but at least try to save it for your committed relationships. Real life isn’t Sex and the City.
- They don’t have skills
Sure, you can say knowing how to cook and clean is a misogynist expectation, but the reality is that all adults should know how to do these things, regardless of gender.
If you’re a grown woman who lives on takeaways, there’s something seriously wrong with you. Buy a cookbook. It’s not empowering to lack basic skills.
- Competing in the oppression Olympics
There are very real issues in this world. Rape, sexual assault and spousal abuse are serious issues and should be treated as such. You know what’s not a problem? Men talking to you. A man complimenting you is not sexual assault. Micro-aggressions aren’t akin to being raped.
Watch this video below if you’re not convinced.
- Not taking responsibility
I hate to say it, but #bodypositivity has done more harm than good. While I’m all for girls in a healthy weight category to be happy with themselves, a line needs to be drawn somewhere.
If you’re obese, you only have yourself to blame. In RARE cases it’s really out of your control, but most of the time it’s because there’s always Coke in your fridge and you don’t know what a squat is.
Shouting BIG IS BEAUTIFUL and expecting men to find you attractive aren’t going to solve your problems. A healthy lifestyle is. You need to hold yourself accountable for your own body and the way you look.
Tess Holliday is clearly not a healthy person… why is this glorified?
- Expecting more than you can offer
So you’re a 30-something single mom that has slept with a double digit amount of guys, you can’t cook, you don’t clean and you’re not in shape anymore. Now you’re expecting a Brad Pitt lookalike with a fat wallet to fall in love with you?
Lower your standards.
Prince Charming does exist, but he’s not going to settle for you. He’s going to want someone who is in his league.
So if you wasted the prime of your life taking party drugs and having sex with strangers, you’re going to have to make peace with a husband that can accept those flaws. He’ll have plenty of flaws too. That’s why you’ll deserve each other.
When women put their minds to it, they can do amazing things. But using feminism as an excuse to do away with personal responsibility is not the way forward. Live long, happy lives being a truly empowered woman by loving yourself enough to take responsibility.